Never Eat Alone and why "networking" is not a bad word

There's an old Italian proverb that says "don't mess with Tony Soprano". There's an even older one that says "he who eats alone, dies alone". A book I recently read that reaffirms the latter is the business bestseller Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi. It's all about networking and I couldn't recommend it highly enough. Not just for people in business mind you, but for anybody really. It's a fast read and stands out in my mind as one of the few "business" books I read in recent times that provides you with simple, actionable insights you can start implementing in your personal and professional life right away. In fact, if I had a children, I would make them read this before all the classics... possibly even before Frank Miller's Batman: Year One... possibly...

For the uninitiated, "networking" is basically a catch-all phrase for: let me try and meet the right people so I can find the right x, where x is what you want or need to improve your personal bottom line.

Sounds unnatural or self-serving? That's what I thought too. But as someone headed to business school, I felt like had little choice but to educate myself on the matter. B-school is all about networking. You either do it or you die (yes, that is an exaggeration). Before picking up this book, it was not without a certain measure of apprehension that I was counting the days to when, I too, would have to "network"... simply because I didn't think I was any good at it. The act of networking or being an actual "networker" always carried pejorative associations in my mind. The whole thing felt phony. At career fairs, recruiting events, or even the simple dinner party I would spot "networkers" with mild revulsion from a mile away. You probably would recognize them too: the smarmy, eye-darting, loud, fake Stradlater types who work their way around the crowd, making it their business to meet people, size them up and move on–if they figure they're not worth knowing (you included).

In Never Eat Alone, Mr. Ferrazzi reassuringly makes a point to single those type of people out as the "networking jerks" --i.e. the precise example of those who suck at networking because they're doing precisely what they shouldn't be doing: sucking... or to be more serious, wearing their phoniness on their sleeve.

Phoniness does not work. What does work, the author argues, is being yourself, transparent and passionate when you first meet someone because networking is an everyday process. Much like all speaking is public speaking, the book does a great job convincing you that networking is not a chore but a vital life skill you ought to master. If you are a shy individual or are afraid of public speaking, the book offers useful tips on how to overcome those areas.

At the most granular level (money, job, and success talk aside), the book posits the following: if you think your life is enriched by having and cultivating great people around you (and why wouldn't you?) then networking should be a conscious activity. And if you already have great circle of friends and acquaintances, then guess what: you're already a networker. But you could still benefit from enlarging your network.

Check Never Eat Alone for yourself. It obviously does not have all the answers, and often engages in too much gratuitous name-dropping for my taste, but you gotta give it to the guy. He does really know a lot of people. The book is a great start for someone who may not have much experience in the field, and definitely a must-read for anybody going into b-school.

Below, are a few ideas from the book that personally stuck with me:

• Networking is about building relationships and certainly not just about your bottom line. You have to proceed with a generous mindset: helping friends meet other friends and not keeping score or hoarding your own resources. By helping others, you will in turn make the sort of connections that will help you.
  
  
• Invisibility is a fate far worse than failure. If you don't put yourself out there, you will not succeed. At my old job, I was surrounded by people with stellar academic credentials. They were smart smart but stereotypically a little reclusive. As a result they missed out on the kind of bonds that are developed when people get to know each other outside of their work, the bonds that sometimes lead to more meaningful responsibilities. So don't be an imbecile, get to know the people you work with... but stay away from politics, don't be a gossip and don't be a phony.
  
  
• Don't be a phony. People will see right through you, so don't be that guy/girl. The one who everyone hates and that people throw a goodbye party for the day she leaves–ice cream cake, champagne and all–without actually inviting her. True story.
  
  
• Ping constantly. In this marvelous age of constant connectivity, you have no excuse not to "ping" the people in your network on a regular basis. For professionals, Ferrazzi claims this to be a must. The worst thing you could do is contact somebody only when you need a favour from them. That's the "networking" kiss of death. So ping away. Build it before you need it. On the personal level, pinging is important too. You *know* your grandma loves it when you call her. So why don't you just take a minute, and do it right now.